Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How naked do you want me to be?
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