After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Shame is for Republicans.
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