i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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