Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
