now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
