I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
