Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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