she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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