Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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