like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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