Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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