Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
