Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We need to feng shui this bitch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
