Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
