Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
