Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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