Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
