You made me cry and you don't even care
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
