Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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