He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm like, not good at living.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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