I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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