woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
