It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
