I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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