I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you have feelings for this penis?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
