he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
