After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
