Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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