you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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