the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
