Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
