You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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