I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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