In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
