I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
