The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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