Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
