sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
