He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
