I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I want is dick and wine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
