reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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