I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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