we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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