You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
