please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
