I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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