Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
