let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
