So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
