Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
