I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
