I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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