The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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