I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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