I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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