Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
