So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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