she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
