Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
