Pants 0. Shit 1.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
