that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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