No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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