i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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