i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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