remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize