hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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