My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
