a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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