I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
