Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
